My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
