I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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