Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
