god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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