i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
