She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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