And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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