we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
