The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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