Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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