Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
