Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
