so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
