Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize