My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
