How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
