I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I party with great urgency now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
