the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize