you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
