i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
