Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
