Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
