Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize