fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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