Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
