also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
