I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
