Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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