It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
