Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize