She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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