Got a toothbrush?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
