who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
