wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just gargled with NyQuil
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
