yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
