i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
