If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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