So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
