Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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