Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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