My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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