You really coming over, don't trick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize