3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
