walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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