Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
