It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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