So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
