Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
