I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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