my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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