I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
