I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
