Three words: puerto rican gang bang
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
