She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
