it was like eating out sand paper
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
