You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
