honey bunches of taint.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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