Jerry, you need to find god
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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