The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
