She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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