I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
