My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want nice things and good sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
