who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
